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SUMMER VACATION IS OVER!

OH! Now the WHOLE FAMILY has to transition BACK TO SCHOOL.

•How do I get my child to school on time after unstructured days and sleeping until noon?

It takes time for a child to transition back to school routines. Therefore parents need to plan ahead for success in getting back to the structure of the school day.  During the last two weeks of summer vacation parents need to begin reestablishing bedtime routines. In anticipating success the parent should talk to the child about the change in bed time rules and morning routine for the new school year.

•How do I transition my child back to homework when he has media overload? 

As in the bed time routine, this requires planning ahead. Plan for specific times during the week when there is no screen time or media. The best time to work on summer homework activities is in the morning after breakfast. If you leave it to the end of the day the child will be tired.

•Establish routine times for the family to read stories together.

•Make going to the library and book store a fun outing to select books based on the child’s interests.

•Plan for each child to give presentation to the whole family on a book that he / she found interesting.

•For the older child find an activity that is related to the book that will be an incentive for the child to read.

How will the whole family adjust to a new schedule?

OMG! that means that the parents as well as the children need to establish school time routines. Yes! Breakfast, after school activities, dinner as a family and bedtime routines.

What about mealtimes?

•It is important for the child to eat breakfast and parents need to have proper breakfast foods available.

•Include the child in selecting a new lunch box and thermos if necessary. With the younger child, it is fun to make a list of foods and go to the grocery store to have a healthy variety for breakfast and lunch.

•Children need to have a healthy breakfast before beginning the school day. If your child does not like to eat breakfast, it may be that they are eating dinner too late the night before.

•It is important for children to have a regular time for dinner that allows them to digest their food before going to sleep. Eating three hours before going to bed allows for story time and quiet time before going to bed. The child will sleep more soundly and wake up more rested and ready to begin the morning routine.

•It is ideal for the family to eat together but this may not be possible when children are very young. Therefore one of the parents should sit with the child during the child’s dinner.

How do I get my child up in the morning and ready to go out the door for school?

•Be proactive. Create solutions. Anticipate that the child is slow in the morning and plan-ahead for how long everything should take including needed sleep, morning alarm, washing, clothes selection, breakfast and getting the backpack / school supplies ready.

•Plan your day. Determine how long it will take to get ready in the morning and work backward from the departure time to determine the time of the alarm. The parent should be dressed when waking up the child to set an example of being ready.

•Prepare the environment: get kitchen equipment and utensils that children can handle easily so that they can be independent in getting breakfast (plastic glasses, small pitchers).

•Time management: Get as much ready as possible the night before, including setting out clothes and back packs and have the child set his or her own alarm if age appropriate.

•Establish age appropriate rules and routines, use checklists. Meet with the child to discuss the new rules. Do a talk through of the new rules and routines. Write the rules down so everyone remembers. Explain to the child the “why” of the routine/rules as part of the training.

•Establish age appropriate rewards and consequences. Most children like to stay in bed so motivate them by telling them that if they can sleep later tomorrow if they meet the time deadlines for getting out the door on time. Other rewards can be extra stories or reading at night.

•Talk with the child about what he / she anticipates or reactions to starting school.

By involving the whole family and planning ahead, the new school year will be a great success!

Written for the Ross Valley Mother’s Newsletter, August 2013

Roberta Hoffman and Hillary Wollin

1. For children aged 2 months to 4 years old, screen time cuts into the parent-child interaction that is crucial to developing language skills resulting in speech delays and development of smaller vocabularies. (Seattle Children’s Research Institute, 2009)
2. Most studies of children who use video games conclude that children learn aggressive behaviors and attitudes.
3. Children who are inactive, watching TV are prone to obesity for three reasons: inactivity, snacking while watching TV and the commercials influence them to ask for junk food.
4. TV and video use is associated with attention-span problems across the age spectrum, especially more stimulating, rapidly sequenced content. (Pediatrics, March 2011).
5. Children engaged in screen time have less time for social interaction and free play, both of which are needed for healthy development.
6. Children who watch violent programs become desensitized to real world violence.
7. Children who watch violent programs develop fear of being victimized.
8. Children under two who watch TV programs designed to “teach” or help with “brain development learn less than children who spend time playing or interacting with adults.
9. Children and teens do not develop critical thinking skills when watching TV. Parents need to teach the child to evaluate the commercials and programs that they see on TV and the content that they are exposed to on the internet for its validity and point of view.
10. Children are distracted when the TV is on in the background.
11. Youth who are heavy consumers of media (16 hours [21% of youth are heavy users])report lower grades and lower levels of personal contentment (sad, unhappy, bored) than youth who have less screen time.

New motherhood brings a bundle of joy — as well as a lot of prying questions, judgmental comments, and unwanted advice about raising a baby. We’ve compiled some awkward and awful real-life anecdotes from moms. Learn what topics call for caution or complete avoidance. Go ahead and share constructive parenting tips, but tread carefully, moms!
Breastfeeding vs. Bottle-Feeding
This is the “mother” of all sore subjects for new moms. Some mothers breastfeed for years, while others do it for months or weeks, and some don’t try nursing at all — and that’s all okay. Breastfeeding has great health benefits for babies, but pediatricians still say formula-feeding is a fine alternative. If breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding comes up in conversation, be open to everyone’s point of view and personal experience.
Cloth vs. Disposable Diapers
Sure, cloth diapers are the “green” and old-fashioned option. But they can also be higher maintenance than disposable diapers. One new mom we know had multiple pushy offers from her mother-in-law to receive a cloth diaper service as a baby shower gift — but she knew it wouldn’t fit her busy lifestyle as a working mother, so she declined. Avoid voicing strong opinions on how someone else should cover baby’s bottom.
Whether to Circumcise
Circumcision is a hot topic of debate. The common practice of removing a male baby’s foreskin has some risks and some benefits. The American Academy of Pediatrics, along with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the American Academy of Family Physicians, maintains that there is not enough data to medically recommend or oppose circumcision. Whether to do the procedure is a private decision for parents to make.
Baby’s Name
Parents put months — or even years — into choosing a baby name. If a friend shares her list of baby name ideas and asks for your advice, let her know your favorites, but keep any negative comments about your least favorites to yourself. If you think her ultimate baby name pick is too trendy or too common, it’s best to bite your tongue. She’ll probably remember your feedback forever.
Hillary Wollin

Parenting a bully or a victim of bullying can be challenging for many reasons. One of the most important parenting interventions for our children is to prevent bullying. While the consequences for the victim and the bully are different, prevention saves the needless pain of the bullied child but also the child who bullies. How does a parent prevent bullying? It starts by conveying our values by example and in our interactions with our children. Here is a link to more information about prevention of bullying. http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/parenting-a-bully.html

Every child wants to be appreciated and get positive attention from each parent. Children view sibling as rivals for parents’ appreciation and positive attention. Thus, the term “sibling rivalry.”  So, the antidote to sibling rivalry is clear: individual, positive attention from each parent on a routine basis so that siblings do not have to “fight” for it.  When siblings routinely squabble it may be because their needs for recognition and appreciation are not being met.

Parents can create an environment that reduces rivalry in several ways.

•Set routine times to be alone with each child, where the child knows that they will have the parent all to themselves, even if for only fifteen minutes each day. The times can be written on a calendar or bulletin board. This is called quality time. Quality time should not be time connected with homework or music practice where the child could feel evaluated. Quality time is not about being with a child while focusing on something else (multitasking), entertaining the child, spending money on experiences or gifts, doing something for the child, or watching TV. It is about spending time together that is mutually satisfying and involves interacting, including snuggling, tickling, wrestling, playing games, playing music together, or reading. Parents can take advantage of driving in the car together, walking the dog together, or cooking a meal together. Where there are several children of different ages, bed times can be staggered so that each child spends time with the parent before bed.

•Each child should have a space in the home where personal belongings can be kept safely, free from disturbance. Parents need to reinforce the importance of each child’s individual space. There should be clear, pre set consequences for taking a sibling’s belongings without permission.

•Have a designated, neutral place in the house where children can go to resolve squabbles. A way for a parent to stay out of the conflict is to send the children to the designated place when they are squabbling. For example, when children are squabbling do not reprimand, even to say, “Stop it.”  Simply ask the children, “Where do you need to go if you are squabbling?” The parent can always remove oneself.

•Encourage individuality. Older children should have different privileges than younger children. Address and facilitate each child’s interests and assets. Using descriptive praise to acknowledge a child’s individual assets and successes, helps the child feel appreciated and valued.

•Teach children how to play by themselves. This can be done by being present in the room while a child is playing with a toy and interacting about the toy but not playing with the child with the toy. Teaching children how to be alone can be done by designating a time where the parent has “personal time” (say to read a book) and not be disturbed by the child. (For very young children the parent can be in the same room but discourage interaction for short periods of time.)

•Use Descriptive Praise (see blog of April 19, 2012) to reinforce positive behavior when the children are not squabbling.

•Use Reflective Listening (see Blog of March 28, 2012) to acknowledge the child’s feelings. For example, grant the child’s fantasy wish. For example, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have daddy all to yourself.” Or, “I bet you wish that you didn’t have to share your toys with your bother.”

•Ask the child for suggestions about how the problem might be solved.  Do not tell the child how to resolve the problem because the solution will be yours, not the child’s. By soliciting suggestions from the child, the parent is encouraging independence and problem solving.

•Demonstrate how to resolve conflicts. When a parent chooses to become involved in siblings’ conflict both children must be present to discuss the conflict. Begin by defining the rules of the conflict resolution:

• Each child is allowed to speak for a defined amount of time, without interruption.
• If the explanation by the child is unfocused, the parent can summarize and clarify the child’s complaint.
• Use reflective listening to acknowledge each child’s feelings and problems with the sibling. This is the most important step because the parent is acknowledging the child’s feelings and conveying understanding. This step is necessary for the children to be able to move toward resolution.
• Clarify with each child what behavior upset the sibling and have the child acknowledge what he/she did to upset the sibling. For example, “I took Joey’s sleepy toy and he got upset.”
• Have each child request of the other child how he/she wants the sibling to behave in the future. For example, “I want you to not touch my computer. If a child won’t participate in this step, continue to use reflective listening until the child feels understood.

•Ignoring minor squabbles. Squabbles can be an opportunity for siblings to learn how to resolve conflicts. When there is conflict between siblings, parents have a tendency to side with the younger child. When this happens, the older child feels blamed and may take the anger out on the younger child. This suggestion is last because if the parents have created an environment where children get positive attention and feel appreciated through the above suggestions, the number and severity of squabbles will be minimal.

Is sibling squabbling bad? Sibling squabbling is natural and can be an opportunity to learn sharing, taking turns and handling disagreements. When siblings routinely squabble it may be because their needs for recognition and appreciation are not being met. Parents can change the emotional environment in the home to reduce sibling squabbles.

Written by Roberta Hoffman and Hillary Wollin